Parenting

8 Tips on How to Be a Good Mother

Motherhood—what a word, what a journey. It's a role that changes everything about how we see ourselves and the world around us. It's challenging, joyful, overwhelming, and incredibly rewarding, all at once. But what does it really mean to be a "good mother"? Is there a universal formula?

The truth is, there isn't. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood. Being a good mother is not about being perfect; it's about being present, adaptable, and loving. It's about recognizing that every day, with every interaction, we're shaping little humans into the adults they will one day become. Let's dive into the key principles of motherhood, guided by advice from some of the most trusted parenting books, and see how they can help us be the best mothers we can be.

Understanding Your Role as a Mother
Building a Strong Emotional Connection
Balancing Discipline and Freedom
Nurturing Independence and Resilience
Self-Care for Mothers: The Importance of Prioritizing Yourself
Effective Communication with Your Child
Learning from Mistakes: There’s No Perfect Mother
Embracing Lifelong Learning: The Role of Books and Experts

1. Understanding Your Role as a Mother

"The days are long, but the years are short." – Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

The first thing to understand about being a mother is how important your role is in shaping your child's life. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of daily tasks—diaper changes, school drop-offs, endless laundry—and forget that every little thing you do leaves a lasting impression.

Picture this: Your toddler is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. You're stressed, people are staring, and you just want to get out of there. It's tempting to react with frustration, but what if, instead, you took a deep breath and calmly said, "I know you're upset because you can't have the candy, but we're here to get food for dinner." You've just shown your child how to manage big emotions.

Key Takeaway:
In those small moments, you're teaching your child patience, empathy, and emotional regulation. Your role is more than just a caregiver; you are shaping the very way your child approaches the world.

Supporting Book:
In The Whole-Brain Child, Dr. Daniel J. Siegel emphasizes the power of everyday interactions in shaping your child's brain development. Every choice you make, every reaction you have, helps build the neural pathways that define how your child processes emotions and experiences.

2. Building a Strong Emotional Connection

Imagine you're sitting at the dinner table, and your teenage daughter comes home looking upset. You notice immediately and instead of asking a barrage of questions, you simply say, "You look like something's bothering you. Want to talk about it?"

It's in these moments that a deep emotional connection is built. Your child learns that they can come to you without fear of judgment, and that their feelings are valid.

"What we want to do as parents is to offer connection, empathy, and a secure base from which children can develop their own sense of self." – Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, The Whole-Brain Child

Key Takeaway:
Your emotional connection provides the foundation for trust and security, helping your child develop into a confident adult. Be there to listen, support, and acknowledge their feelings without immediately rushing to solve their problems.

Practical Tips:

Be an active listener. Let them talk without interruptions.
Show affection with hugs, cuddles, or a simple hand on their shoulder.
Encourage them to express their emotions openly and without judgment.

3. Balancing Discipline and Freedom

One of the trickiest parts of motherhood is figuring out how to balance setting rules with giving your child the freedom to grow and learn from their own mistakes.

As Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult, puts it:

"Resist the urge to do for your kids what they can do for themselves."

Let's say your seven-year-old wants to stay up late to watch a movie. You remind them of the house rule about bedtime but offer a compromise: "We can finish the movie on the weekend, but tonight, it's important to get your sleep for school tomorrow." You're enforcing a boundary while giving them something to look forward to.

Key Takeaway:
Children need structure and consistency, but they also need room to make mistakes and learn from them. Striking this balance can be tough, but it's crucial in helping your child develop self-discipline and responsibility.

Practical Tips:

Set consistent rules and explain why they're important.
Allow natural consequences when appropriate—like letting your child face the result of not studying for a test.
Offer choices within limits, so they feel empowered while understanding the boundaries.

4. Nurturing Independence and Resilience

As a mother, one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is the ability to handle life's challenges independently. Imagine your 10-year-old wants to bake cookies by herself for the first time. Instead of hovering, you step back and let her experiment—even if it means burnt cookies. She'll learn far more from that experience than if you'd taken over.

"The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life." – Carol S. Dweck, Mindset

Encouraging independence helps your child develop confidence and resilience, two qualities that will serve them throughout their life. Let them make mistakes, but be there to support them as they learn and grow from each one.

Key Takeaway:
Let your child try, fail, and try again. It's these experiences that build their ability to handle life's ups and downs with grace and grit.

Practical Tips:

Allow your child to solve problems on their own rather than rushing to fix everything.
Praise effort over results to foster a growth mindset.
Encourage them to take age-appropriate risks, whether that's climbing a tree or trying a new activity.

5. Self-Care for Mothers: The Importance of Prioritizing Yourself

Mothers often feel like they have to do it all—be there for their kids 24/7, manage the household, excel at work. But the truth is, you can't pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your children.

Consider this scenario: You're feeling completely burned out from juggling work, household chores, and the demands of parenting. Instead of pushing through, you carve out time for yourself—whether it's a yoga class, a night out with friends, or simply a walk in the park. When you return, you feel refreshed and more present with your family.

"Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love." – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Key Takeaway:
Self-care isn't selfish. When you take care of yourself, you're not only modeling healthy habits for your child, but you're also ensuring that you're emotionally available when they need you most.

Practical Tips:

Set aside "me time" to recharge, whether that's reading a book or exercising.
Practice self-compassion; perfection isn't the goal.
Seek support from friends, family, or a community when you need it.

6. Effective Communication with Your Child

Good communication can prevent countless misunderstandings and conflicts. It's the key to building a lasting, trusting relationship with your child. In How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish emphasize the importance of validating your child's feelings.

"When we acknowledge a child's feelings, it shows that we respect their inner world."

Imagine your teenager comes home after a bad day at school. Instead of saying, "It's no big deal," or "You'll get over it," you respond with, "That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk about it?" By acknowledging their emotions, you show that you respect their feelings, which strengthens your bond.

Key Takeaway:
Effective communication is more about listening than talking. By creating a space where your child feels heard and understood, you foster mutual respect and trust.

Practical Tips:

Use active listening techniques—make eye contact, nod, and respond thoughtfully.
Avoid minimizing their feelings or rushing to offer solutions.
Ask open-ended questions to encourage deeper conversations.

7. Learning from Mistakes: There's No Perfect Mother

Let's be honest—there's no such thing as a perfect mother. We all make mistakes. Maybe you've lost your temper after a long day or forgotten an important event at school. What matters is how you handle these situations. Apologize when you're wrong, and show your child that it's okay to make mistakes.

"Parenting is a mutual journey of learning between parent and child." – Dr. Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent

Mistakes are inevitable, but they offer incredible opportunities for growth. By acknowledging your imperfections and learning from them, you teach your child valuable lessons in humility, resilience, and self-forgiveness.

Key Takeaway:
Don't strive for perfection—strive for progress. Each mistake is an opportunity to model growth and accountability for your child.

Practical Tips:

When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and apologize to your child.
Use mistakes as teachable moments to show how to handle challenges with grace.
Encourage your child to embrace their own imperfections and learn from them.

8. Embracing Lifelong Learning: The Role of Books and Experts

Motherhood doesn't come with a manual, but it does come with a wealth of knowledge from experts, other parents, and even your own experiences. There's so much to learn, and every stage of your child's life brings new challenges and questions. The more you seek knowledge, the more equipped you'll be to guide your child.

Imagine you're facing a situation where your child is struggling with anxiety. You feel unsure of how to help, so you turn to books like The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel for guidance. Suddenly, you have new tools to support your child, and you feel empowered as a mother.

"Children learn more from what you are than what you teach." – W.E.B. Du Bois

Key Takeaway:
Parenting is a journey of lifelong learning, and the more knowledge you gather, the better equipped you'll be to support your child's growth. Whether it's reading books, attending parenting workshops, or seeking advice from trusted friends, always stay open to learning.

Practical Tips:

Stay curious: Read parenting books, listen to podcasts, or join online forums to learn from other parents' experiences.
Adapt to new challenges: As your child grows, their needs will change. Be flexible and open to adjusting your parenting style.
Share what you learn with your partner or co-parents, ensuring a unified approach to raising your child.

Supporting Book Recommendations:

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel
How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
Mindset by Carol S. Dweck
The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandahl

Each of these books offers a unique perspective on parenting, from emotional development to fostering independence and resilience in your child.

Embrace the Journey of Motherhood

Being a good mother isn't about following a strict set of rules or reaching some mythical standard of perfection. It's about love, patience, and constant learning. It's about connecting with your child on an emotional level, setting boundaries that help them grow, and being kind to yourself along the way.

Motherhood is a journey, one where both you and your child will make mistakes, learn from them, and grow together. Embrace every moment—both the joyful and the challenging—and remember that every day is an opportunity to be the best mother you can be.

At the end of the day, what matters most is that your child feels loved, understood, and supported. With the right balance of discipline, independence, and communication, you can create a nurturing environment that helps your child thrive. And as you continue to grow and learn, you'll find that being a "good mother" is not about being perfect—it's about being present, adaptable, and always willing to learn.